COPING WITH BEING “GHOSTED”

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” (Jn 13: 34-35)

I was recently asked about coping with being “ghosted.” Has it ever happened to you, my friends, that someone has “ghosted” you, i.e., stopped communicating with you as he or she did previously, and you are not sure of the reason? You may have tried to reach out and clarify the situation, but then the person shut you out more completely. In our globalized world, where long-distance friendships often evolve (and dissolve) mostly through texting, this kind of situation is not unusual. But it can be quite painful, and here are a few thoughts that I find to be healing. I mean, healing for me, from any resentment toward myself or another, after I may have *overestimated* a friendship.

1. I AM LOVED. Our Lord reminds us that *He* has loved *us* first, hence we are to love one another. “Love one another; as I have loved you,” He says. Let me let that sink in, that *I* am loved, every minute of every day, by One who loved His disciples, who were about to abandon Him at His most difficult hour. He has loved us not with a self-centered love, not with a love based on self-serving expectations. He knew that the disciples would abandon Him, and yet He loved them and commanded them also to love one another, as they were, not always reliable and fallible human beings.

2. STICK TOGETHER & GET TO WORK. One of the disciples, Judas, cut himself off completely, from this not always reliable and fallible community of human beings. What did the rest of them do, after he cut himself off? They moved on, after the initial grief they must have felt over his betrayal. They stuck together and moved on, because they had work to do, as it turned out. Here I don’t mean to say that anyone who cuts *me* off is a Judas. Only God knows the heart of each of us and will be our Judge. But for all practical purposes, when someone cuts *me* off, I need to stick together with the people God sends into my life, and into whose lives God sends me, because together we have work to do. Primarily we need to “have love for one another,” as and because *He* loved *us*, – and love takes work.

3. HAVE PATIENCE. After Christ’s death and resurrection, the disciples were told to “wait.” They were to remain in Jerusalem and wait for the gift of the Holy Spirit, Who would reveal more to them, about everything. I also need to have “patience,” which in Greek is “ὑπο-μονή” that literally means, “a remaining behind.” While I might be hurting from unanswered questions about this or that person cutting me off, let me sit back and wait, for what or whom God sends me next.

Let me embrace God’s love for me today, engaging in some healthy self-care, and love for those God sends into my life today. Thank You, Lord, for all of it. I love You too.