WHEN WE’RE ADDICTED TO SUFFERING
(August 10)
Forgive me for this extra-long reflection today. But I posted the following thoughts on Facebook yesterday, and because of the many comments I got, I thought you might also find the topic interesting.
The whole topic of “addiction to suffering” is complicated, but I’ve been thinking about it because of an email I recently got. I’ve been thinking about the puzzling but very-human phenomenon, when we are drawn to information or conversations (online or offline) that on some level cause us to suffer. For example, when we click on headlines that clearly announce something that will fill us with anger and/or fear; when we search for the social media posts of an ex; when we seek endlessly to discuss this painful information with our friends.
I’m not saying there is no appropriate place and time to vent, or talk certain things out. I’m talking about an unhealthy need to draw out our pain by picking at our wounds, instead of loving ourselves enough to seek healing for them. Why would we want to return, again and again, to look at information that we already know enough about, and which will bring us nothing new but more pain or fear? It’s an addiction. And it should be exposed as such. If I am returning to look at information that brings me nothing but pain, it’s because my brain is addicted to it and thinks it needs another “hit” of this poison, even though it is actually the last thing I need. The suffering from the information has become my comfort-zone (maybe because it’s “the demon I know” and I fear opening up to something new), while abstaining from it feels uncomfortable.
But that discomfort can pass, and will pass, when we have had enough of the suffering and are ready to jump out of it. It becomes so monotonous that even our closest friends are tired of hearing about it and we feel isolated, alone with the false “friends” that are pain and/or fear and perhaps (in some cases) shame.
If I’m in such a place, let me first establish several simple facts in my mind and heart: I don’t want to be addicted to suffering and fear, even while I accept them as a part of life when they come. But addiction makes me less effective in serving the people and responsibilities that need my attention, God-given people and responsibilities. I have a God-given purpose, which unfolds anew every day, when I am alert to it. There are clearly a lot more people and sorts of responsibilities that are not mine, but it would be a waste of my time to be concerned about them. Some people and responsibilities were part of my life in the past, but now they are not, and God knows all about that. Now here I am, whom God loves very much and for whom He continues to have a purpose.
Actually, God has many immediate purposes for me, like keeping my apartment and physical appearance tidy and clean; keeping my soul and body properly nourished with healthy food and soul-benefitting information; and doing my job, whatever it is, if I have a job, one day at a time. I can do at least the simplest of these things today, and see what and whom God is sending me next. As Carl Jung writes, “Don’t hold on to someone who’s leaving; otherwise you won’t meet the one who’s coming.” I don’t know if any of this is helpful to anyone who is stuck in some kind of rut like the ones described above. It’s my two cents on a topic I’m trying to understand better.
